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The Hobbit

from Nerdcore by Ari Lesser

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The Hobbit

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The Hobbit

The Hobbit

Bilbo
I’m a man of many nicknames: Web Cutter, Clue Finder
Stinging Fly, Ringwinner, Luckwearer, Barrel Rider
Burglar from Bag End, I’m Bilbo Baggins
Turning Trolls into stone, while I hunt down Dragons
I do what I want I don’t ask for permission
If you’re my homie I’ll break you out of prison
But turn your back on me, I’ll steal your precious treasure
And I’m not even four feet tall if you measure

Thorin
The King of Durin’s folk, I am Thorin Oakenshield
A dwarf you don’t want to face on the battlefield
I’m going to take my treasure back from Smaug the Dragon
Got a dozen decent dwarves and a burgler named Baggins
Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Balin, Gloin, Kili
Dori, Nori, Ori, Dwalin, Oin, Fili
With a posse like that no way we can blow it
We’ll all be rolling in gold for you know it

Great Goblin
I’m a big bad orc, call me the Great Goblin
Pass by my home, I might cause you some problems
In the Misty Mountains, I’m the chief of Goblin-town
Around here I’m the boss, I don’t need to wear a crown
Trust me, you don’t want to fuck with my crew
My orcs prey on all those who tries to pass through
Travel by my city, better not be reckless
I’ll catch you and add your skull to my necklace

Beorn
Normally I’m a man with bushy black hair
But I can transform into a large black bear
I’m Beorn the skin-changer, from Mirkwood
Quick to anger, but at heart I am good
I grow flowers, clover, have a hive full of bees
Cows, sheep, horses, dogs and ponies
I love the animals I do not kill them for food
But I’ll still kill you if I’m in a bad mood

Smaug
I’m Smaug the Dragon, with tremendous wealth
I reside on the Lonely Mountain by myself
Every one knows the dreadful power I wield
My scales are impenetrable, tenfold shields
I kill where I wish, as I’ve done for many years
Teeth are like swords, claws are like spears
Wings are a hurricane, fire breath is death
Slaughter people in your city til nobody left

Bard
I’m Bard the Bowman, man of Dale
You better watch out when I let a shot sail
Cause I can hit any target with my black arrow
No matter how distant, no matter how narrow
With a bow in my hand an my chainmail sagging
All I need is one well placed shot to slay a dragon
Smaug’s like an apple, and I’m William Tell
Strike him at his core, send him straight to hell

credits

from Nerdcore, released April 29, 2010
J.R.R. Tolkien: Inspiration

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Ari Lesser Cleveland

Ari Lesser is a singer, songwriter, rapper, and spoken word artist from Cleveland, Ohio. He has performed all over the world, and written hundreds of songs on a wide range of subjects. Ari’s repertoire is expansive, touching on everything from history, to animals, to Star Wars, but now his focus and passion is making music based on the Torah. ... more

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